Thinking back, I can’t remember how
many weddings I’ve attended. The last one, just a few days ago, was for my
granddaughter, Whitney. During the ceremony, the minister said something that resonated
with me. He read the standard verses from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I had heard
at numerous weddings. After he read the verses, he pointed out that love is
described as actions, not emotions.
After the promises and commitment to
a life together, I watched my beautiful granddaughter dance with her handsome
groom. My eyes blurred with tears at how quickly the years have gone by. I
thought of her first “wedding dance” when she was curled in her Grandpa Jim’s
arm as she danced between us at her Uncle Bob and Aunt Stacey’s wedding.
The minister’s words about love
being actions made me realize a truth. No matter how much someone professes
their love, if their actions don’t reinforce their words, they undermine them.
Too often emotions stand in the way of logic, self-respect, and in extreme
cases—personal safety.
Thinking of love as action is an excellent
way to begin a marriage and when the time or circumstances warrant, it is the
only way to end a lifetime commitment. Love as action is the best way to describe
the love of a caregiver for a spouse or other family member who has dementia.
Love
is patient. A caregiver has to be patient and allow her loved one to do as
much as he can for as long as he can. Yes, it might be easier and faster to do
it yourself, but allow extra time for your loved one to perform daily tasks. As
the disease progresses, it takes time and patience to provide the level of care
that a person with dementia requires.
Love
is kind. As a person loses his skills, it is important to appreciate what
remains instead of complaining about what a person cannot do. To belittle a
person who has dementia when they make a mistake would make as much sense as
kicking someone’s broken leg because they couldn’t walk on it. Being kind will
help you sleep better at night.
It
is not easily angered. When a caregiver actively cultivates patience and
kindness, it would follow that he would be less likely to become angry with his
loved one. You may have to constantly remind yourself that it is the disease
that is responsible for behavior problems.
It
always protects. One of the main jobs of a caregiver is to protect your
loved one. You are responsible for your loved ones safety and physical
well-being. You may even be responsible for your loved one’s financial
stability. A caregiver finds the strength to stand up against anyone who tries
to take advantage or abuse her loved one in any way.
Love
always hopes. When we can no longer hope for our loved one to regain his
health, we can hope that he will have a good day. We can hope for a cure, so
that a disease that stripped away our loved one’s talents, his quality of life,
or her memories won’t strike others down.
Love
perseveres. Dementia is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. A caregiver must
have perseverance to provide loving care for years and years.
Love
never fails. Unconditional love is about the only way to describe caregiver
love. We all expect the love we give to be reciprocated, but when dementia is involved that may not be the case. When it comes to
dementia, a parent or a spouse may become like a child. Instead of fading away, your love may become stronger as it
evolves into a different kind of love—one that is action combined with the
emotional memory you hold in your heart.
Copyright © June 2019 by L.S. Fisher
#ENDALZ
1 comment:
So true, thanks, Linda!
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