Thinking back, I can’t remember how many weddings I’ve attended. The last one, just a few days ago, was for my granddaughter, Whitney. During the ceremony, the minister said something that resonated with me. He read the standard verses from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I had heard at numerous weddings. After he read the verses, he pointed out that love is described as actions, not emotions.
After the promises and commitment to a life together, I watched my beautiful granddaughter dance with her handsome groom. My eyes blurred with tears at how quickly the years have gone by. I thought of her first “wedding dance” when she was curled in her Grandpa Jim’s arm as she danced between us at her Uncle Bob and Aunt Stacey’s wedding.
The minister’s words about love being actions made me realize a truth. No matter how much someone professes their love, if their actions don’t reinforce their words, they undermine them. Too often emotions stand in the way of logic, self-respect, and in extreme cases—personal safety.
Thinking of love as action is an excellent way to begin a marriage and when the time or circumstances warrant, it is the only way to end a lifetime commitment. Love as action is the best way to describe the love of a caregiver for a spouse or other family member who has dementia.
Love is patient. A caregiver has to be patient and allow her loved one to do as much as he can for as long as he can. Yes, it might be easier and faster to do it yourself, but allow extra time for your loved one to perform daily tasks. As the disease progresses, it takes time and patience to provide the level of care that a person with dementia requires.
Love is kind. As a person loses his skills, it is important to appreciate what remains instead of complaining about what a person cannot do. To belittle a person who has dementia when they make a mistake would make as much sense as kicking someone’s broken leg because they couldn’t walk on it. Being kind will help you sleep better at night.
It is not easily angered. When a caregiver actively cultivates patience and kindness, it would follow that he would be less likely to become angry with his loved one. You may have to constantly remind yourself that it is the disease that is responsible for behavior problems.
It always protects. One of the main jobs of a caregiver is to protect your loved one. You are responsible for your loved ones safety and physical well-being. You may even be responsible for your loved one’s financial stability. A caregiver finds the strength to stand up against anyone who tries to take advantage or abuse her loved one in any way.
Love always hopes. When we can no longer hope for our loved one to regain his health, we can hope that he will have a good day. We can hope for a cure, so that a disease that stripped away our loved one’s talents, his quality of life, or her memories won’t strike others down.
Love perseveres. Dementia is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. A caregiver must have perseverance to provide loving care for years and years.
Love never fails. Unconditional love is about the only way to describe caregiver love. We all expect the love we give to be reciprocated, but when dementia is involved that may not be the case. When it comes to dementia, a parent or a spouse may become like a child. Instead of fading away, your love may become stronger as it evolves into a different kind of love—one that is action combined with the emotional memory you hold in your heart.
Copyright © June 2019 by L.S. Fisher