Dolly was an entertainer, songwriter,
philanthropist, and a woman who was uniquely herself. She never once thought she
was better than anyone else. She came from poverty with dreams, grit, and a
gigantic cup of ambition. Although she and her acrylic nails wrote the song “9
to 5,” she never punched a time clock, and she didn’t stop just because the
buzzer signaled the end of a working day.
When we
went to see the Porter Wagoner show in the 70s, we saw Dolly in full action.
Porter wasn’t there that night, so Dolly entertained in a way that was
surprisingly good. After the show, she stayed and greeted every person who came
by the stage. She autographed a picture for Jim.
She left the Porter Wagoner show in 1974, and I
think she realized that a crowd that came to see Porter were just as thrilled
to see her. Yet through her loyalty to Porter, she wrote, “I Will Always Love
You.” She never spoke badly about Porter although he sued her for $3 million. She joined him on stage at the 50th anniversary of the Grand Old
Opry to sing “I Will Always Love You.” I learned recently that when Porter was
dying, Dolly visited him in the hospital.
Hearing the song “9 to 5”, has recently hit home
for me, because my cup(s) of ambition haven’t worked for me lately. I don’t
know if it’s the heat, or just the stress of everyday life that is making my
arms and legs feel like they weigh a ton. Sometimes my brain is jumping from
racing through my not-done to-do list, until I start stripping gears and coming
to a screeching halt.
A couple of nights ago, I slept almost eight
hours, if you don’t count the hour my back hurt so bad that I had to dig out
the heating pad.
My cups of ambition are much quicker since I
bought a Keurig, but I wasn’t ambitious enough to go to town, although I had
been out of milk and bread for three days, and it was the last day I could pick
up my meds. I plodded through my morning
chores trying to psych myself into going to the store. By noon, I settled into
the recliner and promptly took a two-hour nap. After my nap, I decided I felt
good enough to go to the store. But even then, I was pushing myself.
My nights are full of busy dreams and I’m often visited by the folks that have gone to the Eternal Promised Land. They live in my dreams, but I wake up missing them all over again.
I’ve read that one of the side effects of grief is
a lack of ambition due to deep fatigue. Waves of sadness turn into tidal waves
of full-fledged grief. Losses of loved ones are compounded by additional
losses. The older we get, the more people we grieve.
People come and go in our lives, but as long as
they live in our dreams and memories they are still with us. We can’t remember
all the events that happened, but we can remember the feelings we felt.
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