On one of my recent trips to the post office, I found a package from my friend Cindy. She had sent a copy of the book Healing after Loss, a collection of daily meditations to help a person work through grief.
On my way home, I stopped by the cemetery, opened the book, and read the first few meditations. Each one begins with an inspirational quote, provides understanding of grief, and encouragement to let healing begin. At the bottom of each page, the author has added her own words of wisdom.
Each morning while I enjoy my first cup of coffee, I open the book and read that day’s meditation. Then, I take a moment and watch my sleeping dog. When I call her, she jumps up beside me and lets me savor her warmth and devotion.
In the book, I came across the term, “hour of lead,” and wondered exactly what it meant. I’m not sure why I had never heard the phrase, or more likely, didn’t have Google to explain what it meant. Emily Dickinson painted a word picture when she spoke of the hour of lead. I may not have heard the term, but I’ve felt the emotion. This phrase from the poem “After Great Pain, a Formal Feeling Comes” refers to the emotional numbness and paralysis after a tragic event.
Loss can bring inertia to the grieving. The body may want to move forward, but the heart and mind need ample time to cope with their brokenness. Imagine a person with leaden feet trying to run in waist-deep water while carrying the weight of grief on his or her shoulders.
Triggers for grief can assault our emotions at the most inconvenient times. At a show in Branson, I dissolved into sobs when the performers sang, “Angels among Us.” That night was the first time I’d heard the song since a dear friend’s funeral.
Jim sang and played his guitar, and several songs remind me of him, especially the songs he sang specifically for me. When I hear Elvis Presley’s “Tender Feelings” I can close my eyes and feel Jim’s presence a heartbeat away.
Another Elvis song Jim sang was “Young and Beautiful.” The song ends with the line “…you’ll be forever young and beautiful to me.” I once asked Jim if he could imagine me with gray hair. Without hesitation, he said, “No. You would dye your hair.”
Jim died from an Alzheimer’s type of dementia at 59, so he’s the one who will be forever young to me, and he left me with beautiful memories. He always said he knew me better than I knew myself, and although I don’t dye my hair now, who knows, I may dye it someday. After all, he really did know me better than I knew myself.
One thing I’ve discovered about a healing heart is that in time, special songs that remind you of someone you lost can fill your heart with gratitude for their love. You may even smile at the happy memories and push aside the sadness. Our memories and love keep the ones we’ve lost alive.
Healing is not the same as forgetting, and the claws of grief can rake your emotions raw without warning—anytime, anywhere. Love lost for any reason leaves a scar on your soul. The scars of grief fade in time, but they are with you for life.
Copyright ©February 2025 by L. S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
#ENDALZ
1 comment:
My life has always had bits of grief, from loss of animals, brothers, grandparents, a son as well as two wives. But I was able to handle my grief with my faith, through which I am able to carry forward. Some situations, songs or people remind me of each loss but over the years I have learned to use them to grow and grieve in my own way
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