Jim became a man of few words. As the disease progressed, he used familiar phrases. His favorite two phrases were “You’re going the wrong way” and “Right here but I can’t find it.” When he was searching for the correct word for an object, he would sometimes describe it. He might also point at the “thingy” when he couldn’t remember the name for it.
Jim would lose his train of thought. He might start a sentence and forget what he was trying to say before he got to the end of it.
The key to communicating with your loved one is to remember the three V’s. (1) Verbal (words), (2) Vocal (tone), and (3) Visual (facial expressions or gestures.)
You may have heard of the 7-38-55 Rule. The rule is that 7% of communication is the spoken word, 28% is tone of voice, and 55% is body language. Some experts say that the 7-38-55 Rule is not true, but when we communicate with a person who has dementia, this rule is valid.
For Verbal Communication (7%):
- Gain their attention! Approach from the front,
identify yourself and call him or her by name. Find a quiet space and
avoid background distractions.
- Speak clearly. Ask one question at a time. Offer clear, step-by-step instructions for tasks. On
vacation in Colorado, Jim picked up the coffee pot and looked puzzled. I
realized he couldn’t remember the steps to making a pot of coffee. I
guided him through the process, one step at a time. I waited until he had
finished each section before telling him the next one.
- Ask yes or no questions. Instead of “What would you
like to drink?” ask, “Would you like some coffee?” Be positive. “Let’s try
this” instead of “Don’t do that.”
- Listen Actively! Nod. Make eye contact. Watch
for clues. Jim often said, “It’s hot in here!” but he was shivering. Pause
and allow time for the person to respond. Don’t expect a quick response or
an appropriate response. Do not criticize, correct, or argue with your
loved one.
For Vocal Communication (Tone of Voice 38% of communication):
- Be patient and calm.
- Keep your voice friendly. If you are angry about
something else, your loved one may think you are angry with them. When I
visited the nursing home after work, I practiced clearing my mind as I
walked down the hallway to Jim’s room.
- Be respectful and don’t talk to an
adult as you would a child.
- Speak conversationally in a normal voice. I used to
tell Jim stories about his dog or the grandkids.
- Avoid asking open ended questions. Do not ask if they know who you
are. If in doubt, tell them who you are.
VISUAL: (Body Language and facial expressions 55% of communication)
- Give visual cues. Point or demonstrate and
encourage non-verbal communication.
- Hold or touch your loved one’s
hand to
keep their attention and show you care.
- Consider the feelings behind the words. Your loved one’s emotions may tell you more than their words. Jim cried when he saw a relative that he hadn’t seen in a long time, and she thought she had done something wrong. I told her that Jim recognized and it meant so much to him that he cried.
Whether you use verbal, vocal, or visual communication,
adapt to your listener. Try to understand the words and
gestures your loved one is using to communicate and adapt to his or her way of
communicating. Tell visitors that it’s OK if you
don’t know what to say. The most important thing is that you visit and let your
loved one know that you still care. My brother-in-law used to take his guitar
to the nursing home and play and sing some of the songs that he and Jim used to
sing together.
My final thought: If your loved one
can’t come to your world, go to theirs! Source: alz.org Copyright © Oct
2023 by L.S. Fisher http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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