I went to Walmart on November 1. The
Halloween decorations were down, and the Christmas decorations were on full
display. After searching the store, I came across a small display of
Thanksgiving décor.
Unfortunately, one of the important
celebrations for our country has been mainly forgotten. It seems that the only
important thing about Thanksgiving weekend is Black Friday. Wouldn’t you know
that my Google calendar has Black Friday on its list of holidays with the exact
same emphasis as Thanksgiving?
It seems that not only has
Thanksgiving been demoted, our seasons have as well. We thought when we went
from winter to summer without any sign of spring, that was a once-in-a-lifetime
fluke. Now, we’ve gone from summer to winter without more than a whisper of
autumn. We were sweating one week and dashing through the snow the next.
As I thought about the forgotten, I
thought about people with dementia. We think of those afflicted with dementia
as being forgetful, but sometimes, their family and friends are the forgetful
ones.
It’s sad during this time of
thanksgiving that thankless people abandon loves ones because “he won’t
remember me,” or “I don’t know what to say to her,” or “grandpa keeps asking
the same questions.” Oh yes, it might be a little awkward at times, but that
doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. These people were the first to be
critical of families who remained a constant presence in their loved one’s
life.
It irritated me when someone asked
why I provided personal care that the nursing home was “paid” to do. I wanted
Jim to have excellent care and as much time as I spent with him, there is no
way that aides could spend that much time with one resident.
When I visited Jim in the nursing
home, other residents thought I was there to see them. I took time to talk to
them, accept their hugs when offered, and to compliment them on a pretty
blouse, or a new hairstyle. I entered into their world and felt the anger they
couldn’t for the way their families had forgotten them.
At Christmas, an influx of visitors
showed up with inappropriate gifts and criticisms of their loved ones care,
surroundings, or the other residents they found to be annoying. These visitors
never came alone. They missed the one-on-one time so important to the residents
and replaced it with confusion.
When we think about the forgotten
holiday, it is a time to remember the forgotten, forgetting people. Be thankful
that you can spend time with your loved one, you can hug them, and touch their
warm, living hand. The sad thing about Alzheimer’s and other dementias is that
the time will come when they are gone, and you will rue the time you threw away.
Time that could have been spent relishing that moment of clarity, the
recognition that comes and goes, and the opportunity to go for a drive or a
walk in the park.
I miss the times when Jim showed a
glint of humor or understanding, the communication without words. I miss
holding his hand, giving him a shower, coaxing a smile, and stopping by Dairy
Queen to get him a milkshake. I miss the friends I made with resident’s family
members and the staff. I miss the quirks of the residents.
Thanksgiving isn’t so much a holiday
as a way of life. When we are thankful for the blessings we have, we don’t let
setbacks get us down—at least not for long. A little bit of thankfulness goes a
long way toward coping with the unfortunate circumstances that life generously
sends our way.
Copyright © November 2018 by L.S.
Fisher
#ENDALZ
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