Being a farmer,
Harold knows a lot about plants. One day we were out driving and I asked, “What
are those pretty blue flowers alongside the road?”
He gave me a quizzical
look at my ignorance, and declared, “They are weeds!”
I have a better
appreciation of his assessment now than I did then. After I started to help him
mow our huge lawn, I noticed that before the grass needed mowing again, weeds popped
up and ruined the smooth grassy surface. Drought will turn our lawn brown, but
the weeds grow in all their natural glory.
Like our lawn, life
would be smooth and beautiful if the weeds of negativity, doubt, and
frustration wouldn’t crop up to complicate everything. It is an individual
decision whether we let the weeds take over or whether we keep chopping away at
them until we can see the beauty again.
Caregivers battle weeds
on a daily basis. Most outsiders would think that the hardest part of
caregiving would be physical caregiving tasks—feeding, bathing, changing adult
diapers, and being responsible for another’s wellbeing—but they would be wrong.
The hardest part of caregiving is working past the grief of losing a person you
love by degrees.
While a caregiver
loses his loved one to the world of dementia, he must cling to himself too. It
is not helpful to the caregiver or the person with dementia if the caregiver sacrifices
his health to become immersed in his caregiving role.
I know it’s hard to
keep the doubts, negativity, and frustration at bay. I often questioned if I
could even find enjoyment as Jim’s health declined. Throughout ten years, I
struggled to find some balance in my life. It helped that I was still working
because that allowed me to have a part of my life that hadn’t changed as much.
Oh, I had to leave work from time-to-time to deal with one crisis or another,
but still it provided respite from caregiving.
Being involved with
the Alzheimer’s walk and becoming an Alzheimer’s advocate gave me a sense of
accomplishment. Out of a negative situation, I found purpose and positivity
through my volunteer efforts. The most painful time of my life changed me, took
me places I would have never been, and introduced me to some of the most
amazing people—other caregivers.
Life is no more or
less than we make it. Maybe it is my nature to view some weeds as pretty
wildflowers. Life offers endless beauty if we allow ourselves to believe in flowers
and scoff at weeds.
Copyright © Aug 2018
by L.S. Fisher
#ENDALZ
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