A few weeks ago, I
was driving home after a visit with my mother and as I topped a hill, I saw an oncoming
car in my lane. The state highway I was on had a shoulder that was every bit of
one foot wide. I braked and used all one foot of the shoulder, the kamikaze
driver slammed on his brakes and slid back into his own lane with inches to
spare.
I was scared, but I
think I was mostly angry. Those double yellow lines are on the highway for a
reason: it is not safe to pass. Part
of the problem, especially on a road leading to the lake, is that people are in
an all fired hurry to get to the lake so they can relax. They don’t seem to
care how many lives they endanger.
If those aggressive
way-over-the-speed-limit drivers would use some commonsense, a lot of car
crashes would be avoided. Why is it so hard for some people to stay between the
lines?
Anyway, my point is
that sometimes you have to stay between the lines. We learned this in
kindergarten when they gave us pictures to color. Of course, coloring outside
the lines didn’t have life and death repercussions. Most likely, you would have
still gotten a golden star even if your paper had only colorful scribbles on it.
Throughout school,
we had to think inside the box. In order to pass our tests, we had to give the
exact answer outlined in the textbook. I can remember being so frustrated when
multiple choice questions were worded in such a way that the correct answer
wasn’t the one you were expected to give. One time in college, the professor
handed me back my test. “The answer you gave was correct, but it wasn’t the one
on the study sheet. I was just being a butt by counting it wrong.”
When we get a
paying job, we are expected to think outside the box. Maybe we don’t do a task
a certain prescribed way just because “that’s how we’ve always done it.” On the
other hand, you don’t want to rush into a bunch of changes to find out that
your new way skips some vital steps.
For a caregiver to
be successful, we need to know when to stay between the lines and when to think
outside the box. For example, I learned some of the best techniques of
caregiving through the Alzheimer’s Association. I took advantage of all the
seminars and training programs I could find. I didn’t have to use trial and
error for everyday problems. Others had paved the way, and I had endless
resources at my fingertips.
There were times,
though, when I had to think outside the box. Actually, many, many times,
especially, when trying to communicate with Jim. He seldom spoke and had
trouble understanding what I said. I learned that body language and tone of
voice were the best ways to help Jim understand. My mantra for communications
was “patience and flexibility.”
The biggest
challenge when dealing with dementia is that each person is different. A
complete gamut of behaviors—aggression, anger, outbursts, sun downing, sleep
issues, confusion, depression, wandering—are possible with dementia. Not every
person experiences all of these, but they are common. Dealing with behavior
involves thinking outside the box. My best advice is to stay calm, focus on
your loved ones feelings, and redirect when behavior is disturbing. If one
solution doesn’t help, be flexible and try something different.
We used to have a
saying in support group: If you know one person with dementia, you know one person with dementia. No two people
on this earth have lived the exact same lives or have the exact same
experiences. How dementia affects our loved ones will be the same in some
respects, but different in others.
Sometimes it is
wisest to stay between the lines, but thinking outside the box may be the best
way to solve the unexpected twists and turns of dementia behavior.
Copyright © July 2018
by L.S. Fisher
#ENDALZ
