Effective Communication is essential to human
relationships. We develop our personal style of speaking throughout our
lifetime. Depending on our personalities, we may become more thoughtful as we
age, or become “outspoken.”
If by
outspoken we refer to being assertive to protect ourselves or others from
verbal abuse, it is a good characteristic to have. If our outspokenness is rude
and hurtful, then we have become the verbal abusers.
As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, critique
is in the ear of the receiver. Some people are more fragile than others.
Whether you are careful censoring every thought and word around people like
this depends on how much you care about them. Most of us are more comfortable
around people with similar communication styles.
In my birth family, we don’t fuss and feud with
each other. The main reason is that we don’t poke our noses into each other’s
business. Don’t get me wrong, we are not mild-mannered people, and we’ve all
been known to throw “Capps” fits from time to time. There’s a line we don’t
cross.
Jim and I used to have the best conversations, and
when he developed dementia, losing that special connection was one of the
hardest to accept. Jim had aphasia and throughout the years, he became more
silent. When he spoke, it was often open to interpretation.
To communicate with a person who has a perception
problem, whether dementia or another health problem, simpler is usually better.
1) Use
short, simple sentences and repeat if necessary. Short term memory problems may
mean that your loved one only remembers the last part of the sentence.
2) Allow
ample time for a response. Older people may need more processing time to form a
response.
3) Agree with them, or distract with a different subject or activity. You will never “win” an argument and trying to correct a mistake only creates more confusion.
4) Respond
to their feelings, not their words. Watch for verbal clues.
Be forgiving and kind. Remember you are dealing
with an adult and be respectful. When all else fails, kindness matters.
No one is perfect, and we can, and do, make
mistakes with communication. Extend grace to others who misspeak, and give
yourself grace if you are misunderstood.
If you hurt someone with careless words, it is
best to clarify or simply apologize. It is best to not let the weight of your
words break important relationships. I’ve seen life-long friendships severed by
words spoken in haste, or anger, and left to fester into a chasm of blame.
Through grace, we can forgive and forget, and if
remedied soon enough, we may even forget what we forgave. Holding a grudge
means the weight of our words is an unnecessary burden too heavy to carry.
Copyright © January 2026 by L. S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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