Monday, December 30, 2019

Runaway Train of Time

It’s hard to think that another year is nearing the end. I shouldn’t be surprised since time seems to pass by faster and faster each day. Sometimes I feel like time is a runaway train, and I’m barely hanging onto the caboose.

On Christmas day, I was walking my dog and reflecting on Christmases past. For some reason, a memory popped up out of the blue that hadn’t crossed my mind for years. I was thinking about how Jim didn’t enjoy all the Christmas brouhaha. In his mind, Christmas had lost its true meaning as it became more commercialized resulting pressure to buy gifts.

Jim’s family decided to exchange names one year, and Jim didn’t want any part of it. Anyway, I participated, never suspecting what my gift was going to be. Jim’s Grandpa Tubbs drew my name, and you’ll have to admit the man had a sense of humor. He watched expectantly as I opened my gift. He had given me an orange, transparent negligee. I’m not sure my red face went too well with the orange!

My dog thought I was a little bit crazy when I started laughing out loud, but I found a lot of humor in remembering that unusual gift.

This time of year, we tend to reflect on the year in review—or sometimes, a lifetime in review. Each year has its challenges, tragedies, and triumphs. Families grow and families shrink. Our circle of friends and supporters may increase, or they may fade away.

Sometimes, when we are spreading the merry and bright messages, the words of cheer only serve to bring out the sadness of the holidays. For those who are missing their loved ones or have health problems, the holidays can be an endurance test. Enduring and enjoying are worlds apart.

In many ways, I’m in a better place than I was this time last year, but in other ways, this year has brought a new set of troubles. All I can say is while bad things occurred this year, I feel that if I kept score, I’d find that more good things happened.

A lot of people make resolutions this time of the year. I never found a resolution that I couldn’t break within a week. If I were to look at the year ahead and decide what I would like to see change, I can think of one obvious thing. I’d like to spend more time playing and less time working. It’s not unusual for me to spend an entire day without a chance to sit down—and when I sit down, I’m often at my computer working on one project or another.

A goal I set last year was to get more sleep. Well, that hasn’t worked out. I stay up until midnight, day after day, and then often wake before the alarm goes off. To top it all off, if I have one good night’s sleep, I have another that is restless. I believe this is a left over from the days when Jim wandered at night. The doctor finally gave him a sleeping pill, but that only worked for about four hours. Then, we were both up, Jim trying to leave, and me determined to make him stay.

Living human beings are survivors. We each have fought our own battles, suffered unbearable losses, and picked ourselves up and dusted off despair. We relegate the hurt to a special part of our brains and go about the business of surviving.

As time passes by, living life to the fullest is the best way to honor our loved ones who are no longer with us. I hope that while I hang on to the runaway train of time, I open my eyes and enjoy the glorious view for I will never pass this way again.  

Copyright © December 2019 by L.S. Fisher

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