Turn a Deaf Ear

 

Several years ago, I went to see my family physician for an earache. He told me I had an ear infection and sent some medicated drops home with me. The throbbing in my ear stopped when blood trickled down my neck. I called the doctor and told him about the new development. He assured me that I wasn’t going to bleed to death from my ear. (Guess he never saw the same westerns I had!) My eardrum had ruptured, and he said it would most likely heal on its own.

Once the incessant buzzing stopped, I figured I was good to go. I never noticed a problem until I took a hearing test as part of a workplace health fair. “You have a slight loss of hearing in your right ear,” the technician told me.

Eventually, I noticed that if someone spoke softly in my right ear it was the “wah wah wah” sound much like Charlie Brown’s teacher. It finally occurred to me that I was unintentionally turning a deaf ear.

 It’s annoying to have hearing loss in one ear, but it does make me stop to consider that at times turning a deaf ear is advantageous. “Turning a deaf ear” is an idiom for ignoring what another person says. When I was a caregiver for Jim, I learned to turn a deaf ear at times. 

·     Turn a Deaf Ear to Negativity: A caregiver has enough challenges without outsiders heaping negativity on them. Negative people sap precious energy that you will need to make all the decisions necessary to provide the daily care your loved one needs. There’s no better way to ruin a day than to listen to someone who finds fault with how you are handling the difficult choices you need to make.

·       Turn a Deaf Ear to Criticism:  There’s a lot of truth to the old saying that everyone is a critic. I’ve known a few people in my life that think criticizing others makes them look better. When a caregiver is doing her best, no one else has the right to criticize. If the job of caregiving is overwhelming and the best solution is to seek professional care, it becomes a family matter. When I made that difficult long-term care decision for Jim, I only cared what my kids and his mom had to say. Once we were in agreement, I turned a deaf ear to everyone else.

·       Turn a Deaf Ear to Self Doubt: As a caregiver, you need to learn to ignore that nagging voice in your head that constantly runs through the “should have—could haves.” Once you’ve made a caregiving decision, you need to stop doubting yourself. Self doubt is fraught with negative emotions: anxiety, indecision, depression, and guilt. I’ve known caregivers that had to seek psychological and pharmaceutical help. There’s no shame in taking care of your healthcare needs with professional guidance.

·       Turn a Deaf Ear to Gossip: When you are doing what is best for you and your loved one, don’t give credence to the opinion of someone who has not walked in your shoes. Here’s a helpful hint—no one has ever walked in your shoes but you! 

The good thing about turning a deaf ear is that you don’t actually have to be deaf in one ear. All it takes is a positive mindset to turn a deaf ear when necessary, but listen with both ears to trusted advice on best practices for caring for your loved one with dementia.

When you type alz.org into your browser, you will find answers to almost all the questions that you have about the disease, caregiving, or how to get involved in the fight to end Alzheimer’s. The 24/7 Helpline 800-272-3900 is prominently displayed at the top of the home screen.

When Jim was first diagnosed, I knew nothing about Alzheimer’s or dementia. Throughout my caregiving journey, I trusted the Alzheimer’s Association to steer me in the right direction, and they did.

Copyright © March 2024 by L.S. Fisher

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