The hard part about starting with a clean slate is that we cannot let go of the baggage we drag along behind us. We can’t stop thinking about our mistakes, insecurities, and failures. We can’t forgive ourselves, much less others.
And what about that grudge? Who is it hurting?
A person with Alzheimer’s has a clean slate in some ways. The most recent memories are the first to go. A woman who was in our support group many years ago was disturbed because her husband didn’t recognize her and thought he was married to his first wife who had passed away. He would say, “Who are you and why are you in my house?” When she told him that she was his wife, he didn’t believe her. In his mind, the woman he had married wasn’t the stranger living in his house. Another man would wander away from his home and show up on his ex-wife’s doorstep. She would invite him in for coffee and call his current wife to come and get him.
These men did not remember why they were no longer married to the same woman they were married to in their younger years. The slate had been wiped clean of the problems that brought about the demise of their first marriage.
Jim and I married young and it was the first marriage for both of us. I never knew the consternation caused by being wiped from his memory. The flip side of the clean slate for recent events is that early memories can return with an unusual clarity. Jim’s PTSD worsened and Vietnam seemed to be in his recent past rather than the distant past where it belonged.
Babies begin life with a clean slate, but early in their development, their slates become intertwined with the world around them. A child’s impressionable mind and curiosity shapes the ideals, beliefs, biases, and personality traits that will last a lifetime. Some people who begin life with bad influences will later learn to reset and change their lives for the better. Genetics and environment muddy our slates.
Wouldn’t it be great to wake up in the morning and begin the day with a clean slate? If we could just mentally wipe away the wrongs we have done and the hurts that we carry in our hearts, we could begin life anew.
It is much easier for me to forgive others than it is to forgive myself. The saddest part of life is when you don’t get a chance to right a wrong. Some people are fragile and it doesn’t take a lot to break them. I will admit that I don’t have a lot of patience with people who habitually look for the negative or are offended when no offense was intended.
I don’t get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve always said that if someone really wants to insult me, they better be blunt and bold; otherwise, I’ll assume they accidently misspoke. That’s about as close as I get to a clean slate.
I don’t mentally rehash insults or snubs, and they fade into the recesses of my mind to be forever banished. I’ve had people apologize to me for some minor incident that I had not only forgave and forgot, but also forgot that I forgave.
Life is much more enjoyable without drama. The best way to stop drama is to wipe the slate clean and start over.
Copyright
© Jan 2024 by L.S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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