For the past week or so, I’ve had the blues. I’ve had a hollow feeling as if I were homesick although I was at home. My moods have swung from sad to cranky. The late night thunderstorms haven’t helped me physically or mentally. I feel as dark as the night and as mercurial as the lightning.
Some April days have been sunshiny and warm. The lilacs bloomed and their fragrance filled the air with memories. When I walked from the shadows into the sun, I soaked up the warmth and felt better. Contentment and happiness flirted with my feelings of impending doom.
When I opened my eyes this morning after a painful, restless night filled with haunting dreams…I was crushed by the weight that today marked the anniversary of Jim’s death.
After eighteen years, surely the day would pass without pain and tears. As I looked through Jim’s pictures on my PC, I saw a video of Jim and his brother Bill singing “Bridge Over Troubled Waters.”
Music was always a big part of Jim’s life. He loved to play his guitar and sing. Now that I play my “little guitar” or ukulele, I understand the therapeutic value of music.
Music can be a reflection of our souls and magically fill our hearts and minds with memories. When I sing one of the songs that Jim used to sing, it makes me feel a part of him resting peacefully inside my soul. I can hear his voice in my ear, encouraging me to find the heart of the song.
For the past week, I’ve been too busy to take time to play my ukulele and sing, which may be part of the explanation as to why I’ve been so sad. Jim always said that music was his therapy, and I think he was onto something.
Today will pass in a few hours, and tomorrow will be merely another day. I’m going to pick up my ukulele, play some happy songs, and know that somehow, someway, life has brought me to this moment. Life is too precious and short to let sorrow steal it from me.
I’ve had my cry; it’s time to move on and sing a happy song. I’ll sing it for me—and I’ll sing it for Jim.
Copyright © April 2023 by L.S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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