Pencils and Erasers

I saw a quote a few weeks ago, that said, “If you can’t be a pencil to write someone’s happiness, then try to be the eraser to remove their sadness.” I really like this concept. I stopped and thought about ways to write and erase at the correct moments.

 

To write:

1.  Call or visit a family member or friends. Give the gift of your time.
2.  Invite them to go with you for one of their favorite activities. This can be anything from going to a casino to fishing. If you care about someone, you know what they like to do.
3. Plan a day trip to visit a museum, botanical garden, theme park, craft fair, or quaint town. Take someone to a play, movie, or concert. Be sure it is a performance that resonates with them.
4.  Be kind.

 

To erase:

1. When someone experiences a tragedy, be present. Keep words to a minimum and listen to them. Give comfort and avoid platitudes.
2. Send cards with personal messages of encouragement. Let them know you are there for them and willing to help them through a rough patch. 
3. Once again give the gift of time. Share a quiet cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or reminisce about humorous antics, and be a genuine friend.
4. Be kind.

 

What if you are the person fighting sadness? I can only speak for myself because each individual has to develop his or her own coping strategies. I like to pick up my ukulele and sing a few happy songs. That does wonders for me. I’ve also found reading a good book can take my mind off my troubles. Sometimes, just jumping in the car, turning up the oldies channel, and going for a drive helps me clear my head. I have an underlying layer of optimism that helps me through the tough times.

 

All of these ideas come with a warning. If someone is clinically depressed, you may not be able to do anything that will make them happy. You could wind up bringing yourself down. Jim had PTSD and was often depressed. It took me a long time before I realized I wasn’t the reason he was depressed, and could only do so much to help him.

 

Jim loved to travel and planning a trip, made him happy. He often said, “I need something to look forward to.”  When we were in Estes Park and the Rocky Mountain National Park, he was in his element, especially if we camped in the mountains.

 

Jim also loved to spend time visiting with family. He loved his cousins, uncles, aunts, siblings, in-laws, parents, and friends. He also loved to visit his childhood places and when we were younger, we made numerous trips to Oregon and Idaho.

 

With his music and storytelling, he was his own pencil and eraser. The underlying depression and sadness was always there, but he learned how to cope and find his moments of joy. He had a deep abiding faith and I believe that’s all that kept him moving forward as long as he did.

Be a pencil as often as you can, or an eraser when appropriate, and you can’t go wrong.

 

Copyright © January 2022 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

 

 

Sick and Tired

One time when Jim’s cousin Leroy from Idaho visited us, he sang a song, “I’m Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired.” I had never heard the song before and haven’t heard it since. The line stuck in my head for months, and about the time, I thought it was relegated to the distant past, it has become a theme of mine.

It’s hard to believe that this month is on the second half, and I have not written one blog post. I’ve mostly been concerned with making it through each day. I’ve been sick since the first week of the month, and it looks like I may be even sicker and tired-er before the month ends.

Of course, when I had first symptoms, I took a Covid and flu test. Both were negative, so I breathed a sigh of relief. I woke up a few days later and after a coughing fit, I couldn’t breathe. On a Sunday when no rapid tests were to be found, options were limited. I finally was able to get an appointment at Urgent Care. This time, they did a molecular test and sent it off to a lab. After listening to my chest and talking with me, I was prescribed medicine for bronchitis.

Wouldn’t you know, one of the meds was not available, but the pharmacy thought they would have it the next day. Three days later, I once again tested negative for Covid.

I think we are so focused on one thing that we ignore other possibilities. I’ve heard of a lot of upper respiratory viruses that are not Covid. I believe that when we hear that someone has tested negative for Covid, we think they will be fine. I will testify that is not always the case!

The up side to my current illness is that my arthritis hasn’t bothered me at all. Still, I’m ready to return to life as normal, and  it would be awesome if I have a break from the arthritis pain too.

Today, I decided to psych myself into a better mood. I’m wearing a Life is Good shirt to remind me that life is good.

 Life can wear us down when we don’t feel well. People who have life threatening disorders can fight valiantly for life. They undergo the most aggressive treatment with the possibility of being cured. Others choose quality of life over quantity. These decisions are a personal choice.

An incurable disease like Alzheimer’s presents a different set of problems. Jim lived his life with chronic pain and mental anguish. The onset of dementia was a cruel blow for him and to those of us who loved him. Our choice with Jim was to keep him as physically healthy as we could and as pain free as possible.

 Before we accepted the diagnosis, we ruled out the possibility of a curable disease. Forgetfulness and confusion aren’t always caused by dementia. Drug interactions, thyroid disease, diabetes, vision or hearing problems, liver or kidney disease, tumors, strokes and other conditions can be confused with Alzheimer’s disease. This is a good reason to have a complete physical exam to eliminate treatable conditions.

 Often people are afraid of a dementia diagnosis so they refuse to go to the doctor. It is a person’s best interests to rule out treatable conditions, rather than accepting the worse case scenario and doing nothing.

 When Jim’s autopsy report came in the mail and the first line read, “No evidence of Alzheimer’s disease,” my heart took a nosedive. My biggest fear was that regardless of all the tests, we might have missed a treatable condition. After reading the rest of the report, I realized that although Jim didn’t have Alzheimer’s disease, he had an incurable degenerative brain disorder.

Our human bodies betray us at times. We often hear that as long as there is life, there is hope, but hope isn’t only associated with life in this world. When our fragile existence ends on earth, eternity awaits us where no one is sick and tired.

Copyright © January 2022 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

 

The End of 2021

 

At our last music practice, I worked on a Roger Miller song, “Walking in the Sunshine.” It’s a peppy, short song and I figured it would be an easy song for our upcoming nursing home gigs.

When I sing the song, I sing it twice, and then use the first line of the song as a tag out. For the unsuspecting, it sounds as if I am planning to sing the entire song again.

 

I sang “Walking in the Sunshine” at a jam session with other musicians once, and I finally had to say, “The End.” Otherwise, I don’t know how many times, we would have gone through the song.

 

Once upon a time, movies and books always said “The End” as if you couldn’t figure out you had reached the end when the credits rolled on the screen, or there wasn’t another page in the book. Now, we get a little more credit for being able to figure it out, regardless of how ambiguous the ending.

 

Life is full of beginnings and endings. We usually look at beginnings with anticipation and high hopes. Endings can be a hot mess of emotions.

 

We go through this every New Year’s Eve. We realize that all the beginnings weren’t on New Year’s Day, and all the endings weren’t on New Year’s Eve. Throughout the year, we rode the rollercoaster of time.

 

In the past year, we welcomed a great grandchild into our family. Our grandson married his soul mate. Yes, we had happy times.

 

Adding to the highlights of the year, I’ve participated in some club meetings, we had an in-person Walk to End Alzheimer’s, and our family band played at area nursing homes. We had glimpses of life as semi-normal again, then new versions of the same old virus made us go off the rails. Family members were sick, friends died, and here we go again, and again.

 

Healthwise, this has been a challenging year in our household. Sometimes, I think my husband and I are racing to see who can check out first.

 

This has been a year of chronic pain for me. After a visit to the orthopedic doctor and shots in my knees, I’ve felt better the past week or so. How long will it last? No one knows, but at least I’ve been able to sleep.

 

We have found ways to solve our mobility problems this year. We had a stair lift installed to give us access to our basement. We replaced the steps to our garage with a lift. We use grocery pickup and have a cart to bring the groceries into the house. I don’t try to lift a gaggle of bags and carry them up the steps anymore. I simply load the groceries onto the cart and pull it into the house.

 

My doctor always reminds me to pace myself. “Don’t try to do all your housework in one day.” There wasn’t any chance of that happening when every step I took was painful. By the time I got the basics done, I didn’t have the time or energy to do anything extra. We were finally able to find a housekeeper! I think she gets as much done in four hours as I could in four days.

 

One thing about a challenging year—we don’t have any regrets that it has ended. As far as 2021 goes, we just need to say “The End” with authority.

 

Now, it’s time to punch our tickets and get on the rollercoaster for a new adventure. Look out,2022, here we come!

 

Copyright © December 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

 

 

 

Searching for Words

Our newspaper has word search puzzles, and I work them to relax. I know I could drag out my crossword puzzle books or Sudoku books for a more challenging experience. The trouble with those types of puzzles is that sometimes I’m stumped. With word search, I can, and do, always finish. After I complete the puzzles, I crumple the pages and throw them in the trash, so I’m not sure why I feel compelled to finish.

 

I work the puzzles willy-nilly where I circle the most obvious words first. I’ve found that in word search puzzles, as in life, the simple words are the hardest to find.

 

This morning when I was searching for words, I realized that as a writer, I often search for the best words. Stringing selected words in the correct sequence to convey a thought is much harder than it seems.

 

In real life, I sometimes find myself at a loss for words. When you know someone is hurting, or troubled, or angry, sometimes it is better to say no words, or at least a minimum of words. No one wants to hear, “I know exactly how you feel” because you don’t. An angry person does not want to hear, “you are overreacting” or “you are wrong.” If someone is troubled, she doesn’t want to hear, “here’s what you should do…” Nope.

 

Sometimes, I search for simple words—as in a thought I want to express. I can visualize the correct word in my mind, but it won’t come out of my mouth. I have the same problem with names of people I know, but they won’t topple off my tongue.

 

Searching for words to call objects can be a sign of dementia. It can also be a sign of an aging brain with overflowing figurative file cabinets and scads of misfiled information. When we are young, all that stored information is easier to access. As we age, I imagine our brains look a lot like a junk room where we have thrown decade’s worth of useless debris.

 

I find myself searching for more than words. I spend too much time looking for countless items that aren’t where they should be, or they are in a “safe place” where I put them so they could be found. Makes me understand why Jim kept saying, “Right here, but I can’t find it.”

 

Often, I search for meaning. Why does life deal us misfortune, pain, sadness, or adversity? Those answers aren’t in the Why? book that my grandkids used to love. With certainty, I can say that I don’t question the blessings of life. My greatest blessing is, and always will be, the people I love.

 

I seek peace and relaxation. The only drama I want in my life is through the books I read, TV shows, and movies.

 

I ask for God’s intervention to keep me from letting the words spill from my lips when someone rants on and on about viewpoints that border on insanity. I hope He grants me the ability to mentally chant the Serenity Prayer instead of listening or responding.

 

Let everyone search for the important words: Love, kindness, peace, faith, and joy. Remember, the simple words are the hardest to find, but if you don’t find them, you can’t complete the puzzle.

 

Copyright © December 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ 

 

Bittersweet Memories

December 20 always blesses me with mixed emotions. On this date in 1969, two crazy kids embarked on a lifetime together.

Last night, as I was trying to sleep, memories took me back in time. I remembered the emotions that flooded me when I got off the bus at the R&R center. Jim stood outside the building, and I still remember the elation I felt as we ran toward each other. I was eight hours late, and he was afraid I had changed my mind. My grueling day had involved delays from a bomb scare, a thunderstorm, and a connecting flight held up by a snowstorm. I had missed my own wedding day.

 

The next day, a Saturday, we had a new round of delays. We taxied to the mountains to get a marriage license, and the clerk would not accept my blood test because it was on an incomplete form. It had all the necessary information, so her husband took us to a clinic where a doctor transferred the information to a new form. We had missed the rescheduled appointed wedding time. Jim convinced the chaplain at Ft. DeRussy Chapel to wait for us. We signed the marriage license, his staff witnessed our signatures, and left. The army chaplain married us in an empty chapel.

 

Last night, I had flash memories of our short stay in Hawaii. We spent quiet evenings on the hotel lanai, swam in the frigid Pacific Ocean, lay on the beach and acquired sunburns, we walked hand-in-hand in Honolulu, and drove to the north shore to explore other areas of the island.

 

In the wee hours of December 25, Jim kissed me goodbye before I boarded a plane for home, and he flew back to Vietnam. We had no idea what the future would hold in store for us, or if we would even have a future. Life was uncertain.

 

As it turned out, we had many adventures together. We went through tough times, good times, happy times, sad times, but through it all, we always had love.

 

It’s almost scary to love someone so much that you aren’t sure if you can live without him. It’s beyond sad when a brain disease made his memories drift away like grains of sand carried into the ocean on the waves of the low tide.

 

Life either makes or breaks us. It is true that we don’t know how strong we are until being strong is the only option. Strength comes from within, bolstered by the love and support of friends and family.

 

Memories can be bittersweet—making us smile and cry at the same time. Love can bring great pain, but nothing else can make your spirits soar as high. To love life, you must love—love.

 

Around midnight I stopped reminiscing. I turned onto my side with my back to the edge of the bed, and snuggled into my pillow. I was about to drift off to sleep when I felt a light touch on my back. It was a gentle reminder that love outlives our bodies. 

   

Copyright © December 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

Positivity, Persistence, Passion

 

I have deliberately slowed down over the past couple of years. I’ve only recently ventured out in a more normal manner and it’s been almost too much activity.  At times, I had to force myself to get in the car and go, but thoroughly enjoyed seeing people that I hadn’t seen in a long while. I will admit that these events raised my spirits, but left my body tired and my mind somewhat numb.

 

During the first week of December, life has been extraordinarily busy. In a seven day period, I attended two dinner meetings, a Christmas dinner, sang at an assisted living center, and topped it all off with an Alzheimer’s Impact Movement  (AIM) Zoom meeting.

 

The AIM Zoom meeting was a year-end celebration of our advocacy successes. It’s remarkable that we were able to continue our advocacy efforts without a forum. Advocates took to social media, email, and the occasional in-person visit to spread the news about our legislative issues and funds for Alzheimer’s research.

 

Before the pandemic, we advocates were 1300 strong at the Advocacy Forum in DC! When over a thousand advocates storm Capitol Hill wearing  purple sashes and speaking the same message, it does make an impact on our legislators. Our last forum in DC was in 2019. For the past two years, our visits were virtual, but successful.

 

The part of the Zoom meeting I enjoyed most was the Advocate Panel. Their topics were Positivity, Persistence, and Passion. The panel members each had personal, and heartbreaking, experience with Alzheimer’s.

 

Positivity is a contagious attitude. One of the panel members, Joe Arciniega from Texas shared a story about when he was asked to present a slide show with great Alzheimer’s information. He was impressed with the slides and enthusiastically accepted the challenge. On the day of the presentation, he discovered that everyone in the audience spoke only Spanish. With his rusty Spanish, he narrowed his presentation to the 10 signs of Alzheimer’s. He felt that the positivity from the audience was returned a hundred fold.

 

Persistence allows us to continue being effective advocates year round, year after year. All advocates have to be persistent to continue the fight for themselves and for others. We didn’t let a pandemic stop us from continuing our mission. Alzheimer’s advocacy is not a sprint, it is a marathon, and we want to see this thing through to the finish line.

 

Passion keeps all long-term advocates involved in the fight against Alzheimer’s disease. Aimee Isaac, one of the panelists, echoed my very own thoughts when she said that she felt powerless and reached out to the Alzheimer’s Association. From that point forward even small wins gave her a feeling of accomplishment. She also spoke of the importance of telling your own story when speaking to members of Congress.

 

I am positive that someday we will have an effective treatment for Alzheimer’s if we are persistent in our advocacy efforts. When we put our passion into action, we are unstoppable.

 

Copyright © December 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

Out on a Limb

 

While at the park, I noticed a squirrel sprawled on a tree limb. That made me think of the expression “out on a limb.” Then, I wondered exactly where the expression came from and what it meant.

 

I did a little research and found that the expression was originally literally “out on a limb” because back in the day, people climbed trees. Well, hello, I climbed trees when I was a kid. My favorite tree to climb was sycamores simply because they had a lot of limbs. Two major drawbacks were the leaves made me sneeze and the limbs were brittle. My tree climbing ended when I went too far out on a limb and it broke. I went crashing through the lower limbs and didn’t stop until I was on the ground. It hurt, but since I was able to get up and walk, I went home and kept my mouth shut about the mishap.

 

The figurative version of “out on a limb” came into use during the late 19^th Century. The idiom means to take a dangerous, uncompromising, or difficult position that leaves you vulnerable without the support of others.

 

I felt I was out on a limb when Jim began to show symptoms of dementia. For about the first year, I was the only one who realized how much he had changed. Seriously, there were people in Jim’s family that thought I was the one with a problem!

 

Doctors thought it was everything but dementia, which was understandable because he was only forty-nine years old. We went through a myriad of diagnoses trying to find an answer. After a battery of tests, he was diagnosed with dementia of the Alzheimer’s type.

 

Caregivers often feel they are out on a limb. I’ve seen families torn apart by disagreements about how to care for a loved one with dementia. Sometimes the caregiving falls on one person while other family members criticize.

 

Caregiving is stressful and often lonely. Friends and families sometimes distance themselves from the caregiver and the person with dementia. It seems that when you need people the most some of them will leave you out on a limb.

 

Two-thirds of caregivers are women, and one-third of those are daughters. One-fourth of the caregivers are known as the “sandwich generation.” This means they are caring for a parent while they have minor children living at home.

 

I could never have made it through without family support—Jim’s family and mine. I had once cherished our “alone” time, but dementia gave a new dimension to alone time.

I don’t regret keeping Jim home as long as I could. It was a lot of stress and strain, and I remember feeling tired all the time. Still, there were good times too—quiet times when we held each other and let love erase the heartache.

 

You know when I think about it, that squirrel looked like being out on a limb was a good thing. He looked relaxed and confident, as if he were savoring the moment. There may be a lesson for all of us there. 

 

Copyright © November 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

Giving Thanks

When I woke up this Thanksgiving morning, as usual, I made my way to my coffeemaker. I try to remember to prepare the pot the night before and have coffee waiting when my alarm goes off.

I poured Half & Half in my cup and started to fill it up. Instead of coffee, I was pouring water. Apparently, I forgot to put water in the pot—again. I opened the top to pour in the water and saw a soggy filter. The problem seemed to be that after I had re-filled the canister with coffee the night before, I forgot to measure the coffee to put in the filter.

 

Not wanting to pour hot water in the coffeemaker, I decided to pour it out. Then the light bulb went off, and I remembered a packet of Folgers that was used like a teabag. Anyway, I used some of the hot water to make a stop-gap cup of coffee while the real-deal was brewing.

 

Regardless of the coffee snafu, I was grateful that I wasn’t out of coffee. That would have really been a bad start to the day.

 

In true American fashion, I refused to let that sour a day of thankfulness for me. I get it honest, because when I called my mom this morning to wish her a happy Thanksgiving she said, “I woke up this morning, so I’m thankful for that.”

 

I was a little worried about her because yesterday morning she said she had no plans for Thanksgiving. Harold said I should invite her to eat shrimp with us. “Well, she isn’t too crazy about seafood, and I know she will have invitations a lot closer than us.”

 

She went on to say, “I’m ready for Tommy to come and get me at noon for Thanksgiving Dinner. Then, at four, someone will pick me up to go to Terri’s.” Sounds to me like my mom is going to be well fed today.

 

Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays. My dad wanted all of us kids to be home for Thanksgiving. When you have a big family, half were going to in-laws for Thanksgiving and the other half for Christmas. Dad finally said they would take Thank
sgiving and the in-laws could have us for Christmas. Of course, like Mom, we always wound up having two Thanksgiving dinners. My mother-in-law always cooked enough food to feed an army.

 

After Dad died, we carried on the tradition for many more years, but eventually we opted for a family reunion, and later, we mostly got together on Mom’s birthday. Traditions change as our lives change.

 

When Jim was in the nursing home, I had holiday meals with him. His mom would fix up a plate of his favorites and I took it to him. I was thankful to spend that time with him. When his appetite waned, he still had a taste for his mom’s home cooking.

 

I’ve crossed many speed bumps during my lifetime, but I’m thankful to be blessed with family. We aren’t gathering in one spot today, but our hearts reach across the miles to connect us inside a circle of love. I am thankful every day for my family, not just today.

 

Millions of Americans choose Thanksgiving Day to count their blessings. I think a better choice would be if we had 364 days to count our blessings and one day to wallow in self-pity.

 

Copyright © November 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ

It's About Time

Twice a year, Father Time plays a trick on us. Others try their hands at confusing the issue by telling people to turn their clocks in the wrong direction. When daylight saving time begins and ends, we simply have to remember, “Spring forward” and “Fall back.”

 Thinking about time made me realize that I have difficulty finding enough time to get everything done. My body sometimes rebels, and I wait for a better time.

 

It’s about time to take a step back and think about myself. I need to get more rest and work on pain management, not only for myself, but also for others. I need to quit putting off tasks and not ignore my to-do list so much.

 

I finally got rid of my landline. It was past time! For the past six months, I’ve found the ring to be an annoyance and stopped answering it. I still had caller ID from the days when I had to have it to know who was calling Jim when I was at work. Jim became the telemarketers’ best friend. He would try to tell me that somebody called, but he couldn’t remember who it was. He would say they wanted to know something but he couldn’t remember what, but he told them it was okay to do it.

 

I think it’s about time we are protected from telemarketers and scammers. We found out lately that many of those calls are coming from overseas and there’s nothing that can be done to stop them. People with dementia or unsuspecting elderly people are vulnerable to scams.

 

I’m longing for a time when I don’t have to constantly be on guard. Technology has turned an ugly face toward me with constant intrusions. I long for peaceful evenings and quiet time when my work is done for the day. Now, it seems that the work is never ending and interruptions break my train of thought and lower my productivity. At least my solitude isn’t broken with the jangling interruption of the landline ringing.

 

Time slips away. Days meld into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and years into a lifetime. I hope for many good years and not years of pain and sorrow.

 

It’s about time for me to cherish the moments, let go of anger, and show love for my family, friends, and husband. I’ve always been a bear when I’m exhausted or hurting. It seems like lately that’s a daily occurrence.

 

It’s time to be thankful for life’s blessings and to use adversity to build character.

 

Copyright © November 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

T

Fighting the Doom and Gloom

 

Three days of gloomy skies and rain was hard on the body and soul. My body cried out for attention with the latest arthritic flare-up. My soul was depressed by the gray skies and lack of sunshine.

I can easily understand how dark days and darker nights could affect the mood of a person with mid-stage or late dementia. Caregivers find that “sundowning” creates additional challenges for a disease that demands extraordinary effort.

 

I took my dog outside in a whirlwind of rain. Halloween seemed to come a few days early with howling wind and sheets of rain forming ghost-like mist dancing under the dusk-to-dawn light.

The night was darker than usual since my solar lights had a few days without any solar to fuel them.

 

Between the rain and wind, my raincoat seemed inadequate. “If this is what October is like, I can’t imagine how cold winter is going to be,” I said to my husband. There you have it. Instead of enjoying fall colors as I usually do this time of year, I was dreading the days to come.

 

My battle plan was to open all the drapes, turn on lights, and listen to and/or read a book on my Kindle. I intended to watch TV for a while, but instead I listened to music and comedy on my phone.

 

Yesterday morning I stepped outside to a glorious sunrise. Well, it wasn’t a photo worthy event, but it certainly cheered me to see that golden orb shining through the trees. It stands as a reminder that no matter how dark our days on earth can be, the sun continues to shine.

 

My immediate future holds some trying times, but I really want to focus on the positive. I want to think about music, sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.

 

When life seems to be hopeless and gloomy, we need to look beyond the clouds and feel the hope and warmth of the steadiness of the sun.

 

Copyright © October 2021 by L.S. Fisher

http://earlyonset.blogspot.com

#ENDALZ