People who are in their final quarter of life
marvel at how fast the years have whizzed by and how they age on the outside
more than they do on the inside. Looking back on their past, some of them can
categorize their past as more than one lifetime.
My first lifetime was from birth through graduation
from high school. For the first six years, my only concern was whether I played
inside or outside. The next twelve years was spent in school. Life entered the
cycle of learning. I always took school seriously and couldn’t understand the
mindset of the kids that didn’t care. The other part of the school years was
building relationships with friends and falling in and out of love at an
alarming rate.
My second lifetime was as an adult (or at
least I thought I was) and marrying Jim. Nine months later, I became a mom and
two years later we became a family of four. The early years were a struggle for
us financially. Jim had physical and emotional problems from Vietnam. I went
through anxiety and often felt like a failure because I couldn’t help Jim and
give my kids the material things they wanted. Eventually, I found a good job
and our financial status was stable.
Toward the end of my second lifetime, my sons grew
up and Jim developed dementia. I felt as if my heart was being torn out of my
chest as I helplessly watched his descent into the abyss of a faltering mind.
Life was a whirlwind of doctor appointments and making caregiver arrangements.
Between the sleepless nights and constant stress, I began developing health
problems of my own.
My third lifetime was when Jim went into a
nursing home. I began volunteering for the Alzheimer’s Association while
visiting the nursing home almost daily. I was constantly vigilant for Jim’s
next health crisis. The day finally came in April of 2005 when Jim passed away.
I had already lived by myself for five years, and I continued to live in the
house that Jim and I built for another five years. I joined two writers’ groups
and BPW (now Sedalia Business Women). I began blogging in 2008.
My fourth lifetime began when Harold and I
married in 2014. The first five years of our marriage were spent between work
and play. He and I had some good times together before his health began to
deteriorate. We had been married ten years when he passed away. Being widowed
was worse the second time.
My fifth lifetime is my world now. More
people I loved are no longer part of this world. Grief has become a part of
living and foreshadows more to come. Along with the sad parts of life, it seems
more important than ever to find joy in the mundane, life events, family time, and
activities. My life is busy and my responsibilities have grown exponentially. At
least I’m not bored.
Looking back on my different lifetimes, I think about
the lessons I’ve learned and the love that I’ve given and received. Some people
never have the feeling of accomplishment that comes with making that final
payment, learning to be happy while living within a budget, and counting blessings
instead of falling beneath the weight of troubles and failures.
Life is precious and whatever lifetimes you and I
have weathered, we can bask in the good days and the love of our family and
friends. Our memories are our connection with our past, and our hope is the guidepost
to the future.
Copyright © March 2026 by L. S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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