With all kinds of love songs floating around, you don’t hear too many that mention personality as a main attribute. Perhaps the song’s popularity was because we are often attracted to others because of his or her personality.
Personality can be defined as complicated categories, physiological types, or with various psychoanalytic theories. Some people think their personality type is determined by the signs of the Zodiac. I think personality is a person’s characteristic way of thinking, feeling, and behaving that comprises an individual’s unique adjustment to life.
If you look at your friends, you may find that many have similar personalities, although your inner circle of friends may also have complementary personalities. You may be shy and meek, but your friend will stand up for you and boldly defend you. Personalities are unique and define our humanity.
Jim and I were alike in many ways, yet different in others. We both came from large, extended families that thrived on jam sessions. Family was important to both of us. We were different in that I grew up in one house and went to one school, but Jim lived in dozens of houses throughout his lifetime and went to several different schools in various states. Jim loved to travel and camp out, but I preferred to stay home in comfort. I thought it was important to save for a rainy day, and Jim thought money was only important as to what it would buy.
Through good times and bad, we blended together. He taught me to love travel and camping, and I brought him around to fiscal responsibility. Our personalities kept life interesting and we had an abundance of deep, meaningful conversations interspersed with humor and laughter.
Then, along came dementia. The most heartbreaking part of the disease was losing the sense of self that made Jim…Jim. For a long time, he looked the same on the outside, but he wasn’t the same on the inside. He lost the sharp wit, the intelligence, and the awesome mechanical abilities that he had. No, everything didn’t change at once, parts of his personality shone through at times, but as he lost his skills and ability to carry on a conversation, he turned inward.
Jim’s personality changed, but his personhood did not. He lost many of the qualities of his personality, but he retained the goodness of his heart and, occasionally, I saw a spark of his spirit. He was a man with dementia, but he was still a unique individual.
Jim and I were two sides of the same coin. By the time Jim’s personality changed, we shared a history that allowed my love to reshape itself. Jim had once been my protector, but eventually, I became his. Nothing else builds a characteristic adjustment to life as much as necessity does.
When we think of falling in love, “personality” may not be the first word that comes to mind, but it may be what captures the heart and keeps love alive.
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