I’m not sure where the year went,
but it definitely swooshed by. It’s hard to believe it is Christmastime, even
with two trees and a complete army of nutcrackers scattered throughout the house.
Holiday movies threaten to overflow
my DVR. They all have a similar theme: a person who loathes the holidays, but
magically “gets” what all the fuss is about. A Hallmark movie can turn the Grinch
into a Santa’s helper. Life is not a movie, and not everyone has a magical moment each holiday season.
Holiday sights and sounds greet us
everywhere we go, beginning earlier and earlier each year. All that holiday joy
and ho-ho-hoing can be a bit much for those who are dealing with the unpredictable
nature of dementia.
Three important lessons I learned
throughout my ten Christmas seasons as a caregiver:
(1) simplify sights, (2) simplify
sounds, (3) simplify traditions.
For most of his adult life, Jim was
pretty much a Grinch about Christmas. He thought it had become so commercialized
that it had lost its meaning.
In some ways, dementia made the
holidays a little more tolerable for Jim. In other ways, it only added to his
confusion. One year, I was putting framed family photos in a box to clear the
shelves for Christmas decorations. Immediately after I cleared the shelves, Jim
put the photos back where they had been. That was my first clue that he wasn’t
as crazy about the decorations as I was.
More than the decorations, I think
it bothered him that I was changing his familiar environment. I learned to
simplify the sights of Christmas. The holidays can be entirely too bright for a
person who is confused. And it just isn’t as much fun for the caregiver to do
all the decorating alone and even less fun taking it all down.
Christmas can be a noisy holiday
with traditional parties, dinners, and loud holiday music. When you combine
dozens of conversations with music and piles of food, you are just asking for
trouble. Communicating with a loved one with dementia is an acquired skill. Rapid-fire conversation is hard for a person with dementia to follow and can bring
about a negative reaction. Simplify the sounds of Christmas. Replace noisy
gatherings with soothing traditional music your loved one will remember from his or her childhood.
Simplify traditions by getting rid
of the ones you have clung to through a sense of obligation. If you don’t enjoy
it, don’t expect your loved one to tolerate it. Do the things that make you
happy. If your idea of a good Christmas is a quiet evening at home, then do it.
Most of the stress of Christmas is caused by trying to meet the expectations of
other people. Those who truly care about you are not going to want to add any more
stress in your life.
Simplifying your holiday can bring
the joy back to the season. The spirit of Christmas isn’t wrapped up in
glittery packages or found in a department store. The spirit of Christmas is a
child wrapped in swaddling clothing, placed in a manger. The spirit of
Christmas is love, peace, and a light that shines within our hearts and souls.
Copyright © December 2017 by L.S.
Fisher
#ENDALZ
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